We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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