she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
