It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
