Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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