she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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