Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Randomize
