ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
