you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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