Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
