wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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