i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
