dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
