I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
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