I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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