She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
