I bet he comes in French.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
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