Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
