the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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