So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
