i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
