There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
