He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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