she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
