Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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