my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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