What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
