How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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