i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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