your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
