walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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