Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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