Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
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I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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