I cannot find my penis.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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