who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
