They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
he shaved USA in his pubs
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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