You're a womanizer and a bitch.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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