My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
