im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
