i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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