She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
