dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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