Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
