Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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