just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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