I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
