I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
