She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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