I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You ruined the universe
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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