he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
