I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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