I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
