When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Randomize
