well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
