Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
