so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
