you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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