Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
