Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
she peed on how many people?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
