I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
