Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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