i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
