Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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