Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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