i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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