I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
