That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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